what I wish I knew: the first year of college

College is without a doubt a life changing experience. It's the transition or right of passage into the so-called "real world". Responsibilities become plenty, loans and others bills get involved, independence is the foundation, and a lot changes.

My first year of college was very difficult. It was a year that pushed me far outside of my comfort zone in several ways, one being that I was living alone, hundreds of miles away from home for the longest period of time in my life. Not only that, but I was in an area I didn't know, with no one I knew, acclimating to a lifestyle I honestly didn't get the hang of until the last month of my second semester.

There's a lot I would like change about my first year, but even if I could, I wouldn't. I learned so much from the hardships I faced, and those lessons are irreplaceable. Instead, I'd tell my younger self ten pieces of advice. Nothing subjective to my personal experience, but general advice I believe everyone should know.

Many of you who may be reading this are about to embark on your own first year of college. From my experience, I know that college is a bit of a mystery upon going in. Though I would love to give you a detailed play-by-play on what to expect, you truly won't know until you get there and experience it yourself.

I would also love to give detailed advice on what to do and what to avoid to ease the anxiety you may have and the possibility of making the same mistakes I had, but I can't because: 1) every school is different, 2) everyone has a different experience, and 3) it is through making mistakes that you learn valuable lessons and grow.

Now that I am home and the year has concluded, I am immensely grateful for all that I have gone through and am very proud of the person I have become. Without that hardships that I faced, I would not have grown nearly as much, and I can say that with absolute confidence.

There is no experience near college; I like to think of it as an introduction to adulthood. It's where everything really begins, and where you learn some of the most valuable lessons that can help you navigate life afterwards in a much more efficient and skilled manner. Just remember, no matter how alone or difficult it may get, you are never alone.

Here are ten things I wish I knew before starting college:

1. First and foremost, college is a whole lot of new... And it can be very overwhelming.

I've already mentioned this one a few times, so I won't spend too much time on it. But it should be noted that how overwhelming college will be varies by the person and the situation. I was eight hours away from my home and friends, attending a school where I knew absolutely no one. It was the first time that I was away from home for longer than a few weeks, and I missed my old life for a while. 

With so many factors, all of which were foreign, it can got very overwhelming and unfortunately, for a while, deterred me from wanting to push through. But things get better when you get used to them; you just have to give it time and be patient with yourself. You're about to enter a life-changing experience, which leads me into my next tip...

2. Change can be very uncomfortable, but it's necessary. I'm sure we've all experienced the discomfort of change. It's a bit of a given that an experience such as college would prompt a plethora of change: new place, new people, new information, new challenges, new responsibilities—the list can go on and on.

Part of why this year was so difficult for me was because of all the newness that came with this new chapter. It was hard for me to find steady ground because of how foreign everything was to me. There were weeks of constantly challenging days. A lot of myself—how I viewed the world, my habits, the way I handle certain situations, who I identified/saw myself as—was questioned; not directly by another individual, but by the events that I was facing.

There was so much to get used to that I really didn't feel as though I had a grasp on my life or myself until the last month of the school year and through that struggle I learned that I'm don't deal well with extreme changes, and that's okay. Every one deals with change differently. In one context someone may struggle and in the other they may be fine.

But at the end of the day, change is necessary. It's what creates growth. If the world around us never changed in some way, shape, or form, then we would never change as individuals.

I would not be and you would not be you.

3. There is a lot of freedom, which equals more responsibility. Though you still have to attend classes and complete brain-draining assignments as you probably had to in high school, there is a substantial difference in the amount of freedom and choices you have in college. There won't be someone there to tell you when to get your work done or a study hall. Some days you may only have one class, and then next, two. I even had days where I didn't have any classes.

Your time is yours and you get to choose how you use it, which is both empowering and dangerous. With freedom comes a lot of responsibility. Time management will become your best tool to beating procrastination and dropping grades.

In college, you become your own cheerleader; don't let yourself down.

4. No one really knows what they're doing, yet you'll probably compare yourself instinctively. When we don't know what to do, we often seek the examples of others who seem to. Though comparison may be helpful at first, it's an easy way to degrade your experience and your efforts.

This applies to every moment throughout your life, because no one actually knows what they're doing; no one is born knowing how to write a 25 page paper in four days or how to take care of loans, etc. It took a while before I felt like I was standing on solid ground, and during this time I habitually gave into comparison. I was blinded into perceiving that everyone around me knew what they were doing. They were thriving while I was struggling.

Because of this perception, I felt very alone in my struggles, but now I know that 98% of students on my campus were facing the same issues as I was. Some people are simply better at transitioning into new situations than others. And again, that's okay.

Looking back, I probably would have settled in faster if I hadn't been comparing myself and simply allowed myself to experience college rather than try to manipulate it with high expectations. Be patient with yourself. It may take a while, but you'll get the hang of it and it's worth it.

5. Know that it's okay to seek guidance. Reaching out for help when I was struggling was one of the best things that I did for myself. It was with the guidance of someone else that I realized I wasn't the only one struggling and that it was quite normal as a first year to not feel comfortable on campus or know how to manage everything I was assigned.

Many schools provide a number of free therapy sessions at the health and wellness center, and students will often be assigned an adviser who can help you find other sources of guidance depending on your situation. Learn about the resources that are available to you and use them.

Whatever you are going through, you are not alone in your experience. Though every person's experience differs, there is always someone who can relate to you or who can help guide you through it. Asking for help or guidance isn't showing weakness or giving up; it's taking care of yourself.

6. It doesn't need to be perfect, and it most likely won't be. The "it" in this is relatively subjective, but generally speaking there is a lot that will be out of your control at all stages of life. It may feel a bit amplified during these four years because there is a lot your won't understand or will be unaware of. There's a lot of learning involved and you will make plenty of mistakes.

My desire for perfection was abruptly broken and discarded pretty early on in my first semester. You have to let go of things being perfect because they won't be. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't strive for quality; quality is different from perfection. But you shouldn't exhaust yourself from chasing after unrealistic expectations.

Again, if you need help, ask for it. There are people who can support you and guide you, which in turn, can save you a lot of time and energy.

7. Everyone works at a different pace and everyone works differently. Acknowledge this is important because not only do you learn about how you personally work best, but also how you work with others.There are so many types of people in the world, and college is really where you'll be exposed to the different types of people. 

There are people who can wait to the last minute and be fine; who can procrastinate and write an essay without an outline or a plan. And then there are those who like to plan in advance; who cannot wait until the last minute without getting anxious. so they get work done days before the due date, and have plenty of notes and plans, etc. 

Of course, there are times when you and others will fluctuate between either of these. However, as people get older, they tend to find a routine that works best for them. After some trial and error, you'll know which method of working works best for you. Then you'll have everything under control...theoretically.

8. Give it time.  This as been strung throughout all of these, but as I've mentioned several times already, I didn't feel comfortable at my college until I was in the later half of my second semester. You won't get used to everything or have a solidified routine until the end of your first semester, at the earliest. It's normal to still not feel comfortable or stable going into your second semester.

Depending on where you go, adjusting to a new lifestyle and area is hard work, and it can take a while. As someone who has moved about quite a few times in my life, I still struggle to adjust to change.

Give yourself time.

9. College isn't for everyone. It's as simple as that.

I know that I am very fortunate to have even have a choice in whether or not I want to attend college when there are many who never had the opportunity or ability to continue their education. I am immensely grateful for the privilege that I have. But with that said, I feel that it's also important to recognize that for a long time, college has been promoted as the only way to succeed in life after high school, and that is absolutely not true.

There are hundreds of people who have achieved an admirable career without attending college. Not pursuing a higher education is not failure. With the rise of technology and the continual extensive expansion of accessible information, individuals are able to learn more on their own than ever before. We are seeing a rise in self-starting business that are making a major positive impact on society.

Though a higher education is still necessary and useful in certain fields of work, it's expensive and can be extensively exhausting. It simply isn't some people's cup of tea, and that's okay. At the end of the day, it's important to acknowledge that college is not your only option.

Another important thing to know is that sometimes the school you initially choose to attend may not be the one for you. Transferring to another institute is a respectful option and also does not mean that you failed.

You are never handcuffed to one option.


10. And lastly, it is what you make of it. You'll make many mistakes and experience difficult moments that stretch you far past your comfort zone. There will be good days and there will be bad days. There will be many times where you'll be confused, and you may struggle for a while, but at the end of the day, enjoy what you do.

Use this time to your advantage because if there was one specific thing that I learned this past year, it was that college is basically a hub of resources. You don't have to know what you're doing—this is your chance to explore, to learn about things you've dreamt of or never even knew of, to meet others who are different and those who are similar to you, and to connect, not just to those who you become friends with but with professors and professionals who cross your path.

College is what you make of it.

My first year was a chapter of extreme growth as an individual. I was challenged every single day and some days I broke down; it was really hard. I've overcome a lot of obstacles, taken impulsive adventures into New York City, met a surplus of new people, and have written an excessive amount of essays—probably as many as all the essays I wrote in my four years of high school except in the span of two semesters and four times as long.

I've learned so much. And for that, I am immensely grateful.

Until next time,
take care,