Having a birthday away from home is strange.
There's a point that you reach in your life where you genuinely feel like an adult. Despite being eighteen for the past year, dealing with applying to college and sorting out the lines of my future, I was still clinging to my childhood. I deeply desired to go back to a time where I could be carefree and not have to worry about living on my own away from all of the people I loved. I wanted to have just one more year before having to grow up.
Sadly, life doesn't work that way, and honestly, I'm glad it doesn't.
Going into college was absolutely terrifying. The first two months were a struggle, trying to balance schoolwork with my semester long projects and keeping up with the things I loved doing like journaling and reading, while pushing down the homesickness that was eating away at me. My anxiety flared up, and I couldn't have felt more alone.
But with this, I learned a lot.
I learned independence to a degree which I never had experienced before; being alone, in a state hours away from home where all of the people that I loved and missed I had to solve problems on my own and learn how to deal with the intense volume of emotions I was experiencing. I set standards for all of my work as they were a reflection of me, and began to let go of my need for comfort from the nostalgia of the past and started to look at the future with a smile.
Life is a roller coaster, and I've definitely experienced some whiplash from it in the recent months. Missing home, not being around my friends and loved ones for my birthday for the first was a hard thought, but I am immensely grateful for all of the wonderful people who made my nineteenth birthday so monumental and life changing.
My nineteenth birthday was the day that I finally felt sure of myself as an independent woman.
The start of my birthday felt like any other Friday. I had a pile of never-ending work waiting for me, and as usual, I was the first one up. I made pancakes for my suite-mates, ending up with probably thirty pancakes dense with chocolate chips because I decided to put the entire bag into the batter. Either way, they were good, and a wonderful way to start the morning.
Around one, Jillian and Shea along with my roommate Shea, went into the city to celebrate my birthday. We ate lunch at Champ's Diner in Brooklyn, an all vegan restaurant with the best milkshakes I have ever had and very realistic meat dishes. We had a large plate of loaded fries, named 'Graveyard Fires' in theme of Halloween, and each had a sandwich/burger.
Afterwards, we went to Dun-Well Doughnuts for, well, doughnuts before heading back home as there was a surprise waiting...
My suite-mates surprised me with a pasta dinner and a chocolate cake decorated with three kit-kats, the fourth was consumed in the processes of decoration. Instead of eating the cake with utensils like normal, civilized cake eaters, we spared dirtying forks and plates, and used a single knife to cut off a slice, grabbing it with our hands and eating it like that.
We brought out the duck and bumble bee hat and danced through the night to classic 2000 bops. There was a lot of sweat, laughter, and off key singing, marking the best birthday I had ever had. And to top it all off, I stupidly decided to do my laundry at midnight, exhausted and in shorts, fuzzy socks, Birkenstocks, and a duck hat. It was quite the jumble of a day, and I wouldn't have changed any part of it.
This is the beginning of my 20th year on Earth. I'm a freshman in college who is surviving off of naps, tea, and music, and has no clue what she is doing—but that's all part of the fun. I've learned the perfect number of minutes for a nap so that I'm awake after but I can still sleep at night. In my recent months I have also learned how not to approach school work and that I really should keep up with my social life; you'd be surprised at how much of a difference it can make in your mood.
But above all of this, I learned that it truly doesn't matter how long you have known someone for you to love and care about them. Everyone is a stranger in college, and that was overwhelming for me. I hid myself away in my dorm room and ate by myself until I finally got the guts to reach out to another girl in my class who introduced me to one of her friends, and now they are my two closest friends here alongside my absolutely amazing suite-mates, whom I consider my family.
I cannot thank these people enough for making my nineteenth birthday as wonderful as it was.
I did fill the entirety of my day, and decided to put it up for kicks and giggles. I'd like to think that my life is somewhat entertaining, especially with my suite-mates. If you'd like to watch odd little clips of my birthday, you can click here, and until next time....
Take care of yourself,
Rachel xx
There's a point that you reach in your life where you genuinely feel like an adult. Despite being eighteen for the past year, dealing with applying to college and sorting out the lines of my future, I was still clinging to my childhood. I deeply desired to go back to a time where I could be carefree and not have to worry about living on my own away from all of the people I loved. I wanted to have just one more year before having to grow up.
Sadly, life doesn't work that way, and honestly, I'm glad it doesn't.
Going into college was absolutely terrifying. The first two months were a struggle, trying to balance schoolwork with my semester long projects and keeping up with the things I loved doing like journaling and reading, while pushing down the homesickness that was eating away at me. My anxiety flared up, and I couldn't have felt more alone.
But with this, I learned a lot.
I learned independence to a degree which I never had experienced before; being alone, in a state hours away from home where all of the people that I loved and missed I had to solve problems on my own and learn how to deal with the intense volume of emotions I was experiencing. I set standards for all of my work as they were a reflection of me, and began to let go of my need for comfort from the nostalgia of the past and started to look at the future with a smile.
Life is a roller coaster, and I've definitely experienced some whiplash from it in the recent months. Missing home, not being around my friends and loved ones for my birthday for the first was a hard thought, but I am immensely grateful for all of the wonderful people who made my nineteenth birthday so monumental and life changing.
My nineteenth birthday was the day that I finally felt sure of myself as an independent woman.
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| (I made pancakes with a lot of chocolate chips for my roommates for when they woke up ft. my tiny little lucky cats) |
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| (Heading to the translation to celebrate my birthday in the city and get my tattoo.) |
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| (Lunch at Champ's Diner (all vegan and absolutely amazing food located in Brooklyn, highly recommend) |
Around one, Jillian and Shea along with my roommate Shea, went into the city to celebrate my birthday. We ate lunch at Champ's Diner in Brooklyn, an all vegan restaurant with the best milkshakes I have ever had and very realistic meat dishes. We had a large plate of loaded fries, named 'Graveyard Fires' in theme of Halloween, and each had a sandwich/burger.
Afterwords, we headed to my tattoo appointment at Moonrise Tattoo. This was the defining moment that allowed me to stop clinging to the past and look towards the future with hope and excitement, as cliché as it may sound. I've wanted a bundle of flowers on my ribs for years that getting it done for my nineteenth birthday was the obvious choice and such a wonderful way to mark the end of what once was and the beginning of a new chapter of my life.
It was a moment of change. Having a sprig of lavender and baby's-breath planted into permanence onto my body was a proclamation of love towards my body and myself, and a way to emphasize that my body was a home and a work of art after years of struggling with being comfortable in my own skin.
I will say, it did hurt as expected, but it wasn't terrible. The best way to describe the feeling would be 'consistent cat scratches'. If you are ever in Brooklyn or New York for a tattoo, I highly recommend going to Moonrise Tattoo with Julia Hayes. She was absolutely wonderful, did a beautiful job, and was so kind to me for my first tattoo.It was a moment of change. Having a sprig of lavender and baby's-breath planted into permanence onto my body was a proclamation of love towards my body and myself, and a way to emphasize that my body was a home and a work of art after years of struggling with being comfortable in my own skin.
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| Illustrated by the talented Laura Supnik |
Afterwards, we went to Dun-Well Doughnuts for, well, doughnuts before heading back home as there was a surprise waiting...
 |
| Heading home for a surprise dinner and cake my wonderful suite mates put together. |
My suite-mates surprised me with a pasta dinner and a chocolate cake decorated with three kit-kats, the fourth was consumed in the processes of decoration. Instead of eating the cake with utensils like normal, civilized cake eaters, we spared dirtying forks and plates, and used a single knife to cut off a slice, grabbing it with our hands and eating it like that.
We brought out the duck and bumble bee hat and danced through the night to classic 2000 bops. There was a lot of sweat, laughter, and off key singing, marking the best birthday I had ever had. And to top it all off, I stupidly decided to do my laundry at midnight, exhausted and in shorts, fuzzy socks, Birkenstocks, and a duck hat. It was quite the jumble of a day, and I wouldn't have changed any part of it.
 |
| Madeline got hold of the camera, and many prize-worthy pictures came out of it. |
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| Shea, the rebel who used dish-ware |
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| College life at it's finest |
This is the beginning of my 20th year on Earth. I'm a freshman in college who is surviving off of naps, tea, and music, and has no clue what she is doing—but that's all part of the fun. I've learned the perfect number of minutes for a nap so that I'm awake after but I can still sleep at night. In my recent months I have also learned how not to approach school work and that I really should keep up with my social life; you'd be surprised at how much of a difference it can make in your mood.
But above all of this, I learned that it truly doesn't matter how long you have known someone for you to love and care about them. Everyone is a stranger in college, and that was overwhelming for me. I hid myself away in my dorm room and ate by myself until I finally got the guts to reach out to another girl in my class who introduced me to one of her friends, and now they are my two closest friends here alongside my absolutely amazing suite-mates, whom I consider my family.
I cannot thank these people enough for making my nineteenth birthday as wonderful as it was.
I did fill the entirety of my day, and decided to put it up for kicks and giggles. I'd like to think that my life is somewhat entertaining, especially with my suite-mates. If you'd like to watch odd little clips of my birthday, you can click here, and until next time....
Take care of yourself,
Rachel xx
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